Christmas X
by Awahili
Summary: As promised, a funny holiday fic to go with Yes Jubilee. Jean is sucked into the kitchen void, Rogue attempts some last minute decorating, and Bobby is adamant about Spongebob. All part of the Christmas cheer at the Xmansion! Thanks Twisted XMas CD


"Ouch!  Da—rn it!"  Rogue shook the pain out of her hand while avoiding the glare of Gambit.  Really, just because she could fly, she was the one to put the last-minute touches on the roof.  She placed the huge star on top of the chimney and glided to the ground.  Not two seconds later, she was pelted in the head by a very large snowball.  Clearing the white from her eyes, she looked around for the perpetrator, but no one was in sight.  Snickering behind a snow bank alerted her to their presence and she scooped up a very large mound of snow and dropped it on them from above.

"Hey, what's the big idea?"  Rogue laughed as Jubilee and Gambit jumped up and began brushing off snow.  Professor Xavier and Wolverine walked outside just in time to see the spectacle and erupt into fits of laughter.

"Shut up Wolvie!"  He stopped in time to see a ball of white sailing toward his face.  Then giggling.  Calmly, he wiped away the moisture and took off after the girl.  She shrieked and ran, knowing that if he caught her, it was not going to be pretty.

Professor smiled and turned to Rogue.  "Is the star ready?"

"We have no extension cords!"

She was interrupted by Scott running out frantically, "Professor!  I don't even know half these people!"  He was waving Christmas cards around maniacally.  Professor X was about to answer when Jean came out with a bullhorn.

"Everyone must tell me what you want for dinner in five minutes or you don't get your dish!"  A frantic scrambling and five voices yelling out twelve different dishes.  Quickly, Jean jotted them down and sunk back into the void that was the kitchen.  Beast had wandered in early this morning to try and sneak a cookie, and no one had seen him since.  The most plausible rumor circulating was that Jean had temporarily reverted to Dark Phoenix and sent him to one of the Nine Hells.  The others were just ludicrous.

Everyone but Rogue returned inside and she flew up to the roof to try and complete her task.  Just before they entered, they heard her cry out.

"Now why the hell are they blinking!"  

Jubilee grabbed the remote from Bobby, who had been watching _The Spongebob Christmas Special_, and flipped through the channels.  In total, there were four Christmas movies, seven musical specials, three cartoons, two Chanukah films, five news channels, and the cooking show.  Disgusted, she threw the remote back at the Iceman and pulled her headphones over her ears.  Then silence.  She opened her eyes to see nothing; it was completely dark.  Rogue flew in the door.

"Somebody get a flashlight, Ah blew a fuse!"  Jubilee paffed her hand so she could see and made her way to the breaker with Wolverine.  With her light, he could see enough to fix the problem.  She snickered and he turned his head slightly.

"What's so funny, Jubes?"

"Your skeleton is adamantium.  Let's hope you don't get shocked," she giggled.  Wolverine paled ever so slightly and smartly decided gloves were his best option.

With the lights on once again, and Rogue still on the roof, they gathered in the den to watch Spongebob.  Beast came in, much to the relief of everyone else, covered in tape and paper.

"What did Jean do to you?" Jubilee asked.

"Did she call the Shi'ar to kidnap you and use you how they will?"

"Non, homme was tied up for hours in a closet with Twinkies jes out of reach."

"Nah, I bet you were kidnapped by large green hamsters for rubber glue testing."  The rest of them looked at Bobby in wonder.  Jubilee slapped his head.

"It's a wonder you stay upright at all Bobster."

Beast shook his head at the outrageous comments, "No, my friends, it was much worse than any of that.  I was put on charity duty."  Groans of sympathy echoed around the room.  Every year, one member of the X-Team was given $10,000 to distribute to any charity or charities he or she wished.  It was not a pleasant duty.  Jubilee grimaced, thanking every deity she could think of that they all thought she was too young to handle that kind of responsibility.  Though she was threatened with kitchen helper duty once.  Forcing off a shudder at the thought, she patted her doomed friend on his furry shoulder and let him continue on his way.

Storm glided into the room grinning maniacally and humming Christmas carols to herself (and anyone within twenty feet of her).  The entire room fell into silence as the jolly entity swept through, and was quickly gone.  Jubilee turned, wide-eyed, to Wolverine.

"People that happy scare me."  He nodded his assent and began to fight for control of the TV.  It appeared that Bobby was not going to give up his Spongebob Squarepants without a fight.  Rogue burst through the doors, whooping and hollering.  

"Chere, what be de matter?"

She pounded her fist through the coffee table.  "One light goes out, they all go out!"  Jubilee snorted, but quickly covered it up with her hand.  Wolverine discreetly stepped in front of her to shield her from the view of the rampaging mutant.  Rogue grabbed a string of lights from the closet and rushed back out.  As soon as the door shut, the entire room erupted into maniacal laughter.  Jean entered and set food on the table, then abruptly stopped moving, staring wide-eyed at the scene before her.

Jubilee was hanging onto Wolverine for dear life, but he didn't look much better off.  It was taking all his will power to stand.  The Professor was leaned over his chair, face red as a beet.  Bobby was rolling back and forth on the floor in front of the couch, desperately trying to inhale.  Beast had discreetly removed himself from the crowd for, uh, personal reasons, and Gambit was at least trying to hold up some amount of dignity for Rogue.  Of course, he was failing miserably, but at least he was trying.

Slowly, so not to startle any of them, she backed out of the den and resumed her cooking.  Scott came in looking very frightened and it only took her one guess.

"Just walked through the den?"  He could only nod dumbfounded.  She smiled softly and began humming a Christmas tune.  The professor, who had managed to gain some composure, entered the kitchen inquiring about dinner.

"Well, most of it is on the table, and as soon as the turkey is done, I'll call everyone.  Might I ask what was so funny?"  Big mistake, she thought as the professor once again began giggling.

"Hallelujah!"  Rogue's uproar filled the mansion and she grabbed Gambit and began dancing around to music in her head.  They two-stepped through the kitchen, jitterbugged around the counter, and Lindied their way out.  Jubilee and Wolverine joined them, followed closely by Hank and Bobby, and soon the whole X-team was dancing around the den.  Storm walked back through, humming to herself in her own world.  She walked through the mayhem, completely oblivious to the ruckus.  Jean stopped just long enough to check the turkey, and found that it was ready.

"Soup's on!"  She might as well have let the zoo loose for all the stampeding.  She pulled the bird out of the oven, fixed it up, and brought it out.  Clapping and cheering could be heard throughout the mansion as the turkey was brought out and set in front of the professor.  He smiled and help up his hands, quieting the riot that was about to ensue.  Storm entered, humming again, and Jubilee stared at her.

"Hey, Storm?  You wanna join us?"  The Wind Goddess looked up and smiled.

"Why of course, Jubilee!  I was wondering when the feast was to be ready.  How did hanging the star go?"  She sat down next to Rogue, who was mumbling something about "next year, you're doin' it," and waited for the professor to say his words.

"Welcome to Christmas Eve at the X-mansion, X-Men.  It has been a stressful year, but this is the season of love and friendship."

"And eating," Jubilee muttered.  Wolverine elbowed her and shot her warning glare.  The Professor merely smiled and continued on.

"Very well, I know all of you are bored of hearing my lectures, so let's just eat."

"Here, here!"  Jubilee dived into the mashed potatoes while the professor busied himself with the bird.  He looked up at Scott and smiled.

"So, Scott, ever finish those cards?"  The mutant's plate clattered to the table.

"I, uh, would rather not talk about it, Professor."


End file.
